By Guest Blogger Jennifer
Harlow
Today I began work on my
tenth (holy crap!) book, the second in The Galilee Falls Trilogy (the first is
now available in the Kindle Store). Really, I started work on this one years ago
on many a sleepless night. The main characters, the basic
story arcs - they've been locked away in my brain for eons, and now it's
time to finally put pen to paper and bring my imaginary friends to life.
I've been staring at a
blank page for an hour.
I
know exactly how it begins. I have the scene playing in my brain but
I just can't pick up the pen. I hate this day. It's the hardest day of the
project. The start of countless hours, months of diligent work start TODAY. And
it is hard work, damn hard. I was once asked why I wanted to be a writer.
The
pay's crap, there's no guarantee the work will be seen (this one's already been
sold so it probably will), and on average it takes six months to get a complete
manuscript, and that's before the trillion edits it'll need. The truth is, for
me at least, I can't NOT write. I wish I was meant to be a
doctor or psychologist or even a stay at home Mom, but since I was a child I've
always known I was meant to be a writer. And selling six books before age
thirty is a good guidepost that I was right. And most days I love it. I
love the inception, the research (and there's a lot for this one), the
character sketches, even later the editing. I just don't like today.
Maybe it has to do with
physics. Yes, I'll blame Sir Isaac Newton and his first law: "An
object that is at rest will stay at rest unless an unbalanced force acts upon
it." It all comes down to drive. I've always been a very
driven person but as I get older I get...well...lazier. It gets
harder and harder to pull myself away from cult classic movies and BBC America.
I can do research and sketches while watching those but not when I really need
to concentrate. I have to sit at my desk or the library 8+ hours a day for
months with only music for company. But really, that's not it. Really, it's fear.
A hundred horrible
thoughts race through my mind as I'm sitting down on this day. What if I can't
pull this off? What if my characters are unlikable? What if I can't pull of the
voice? What if it's just total and utter crap? What if I'm not good enough to tell
this story? I'm usually a damn confident person. Just not today. But I will
solider on because this is important. (And I have a hard deadline.) I will pick
up that pen, I will write that first word. Then the next, then the next 80,000
and when I see all my hard work sitting in a bookstore and when
I receive lovely e-mails from people who enjoy my book, today will be
nothing but a distant memory.
Now, if you'll excuse
me, I have to defy Newton's law.
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