Sunday, February 20, 2011
How to Spell "Fellatio"
Hi folks. Sasha here. I've been hearing some stories around town, and I'd like to set the record straight. I admit it; I was a bit of a brat when I was young, but it was innocent, usually. I can't tell you how many times I've said "It seemed like a good idea at the time."
Like the incident with the CN Tower. I was only about 8 or 9, yet Dad brings up the story every so often, usually when he's trying to talk me out of something... or when the cops bring me home. He usually pops a couple of Rolaids right after telling the tale.
You see, I was just a kid, and Dad took me and Shane to see the Canada Day fireworks. I can't remember where we were exactly, but the CN Tower blocked part of my view of the fireworks and I was mad. The next day, I posted handmade signs - written in purple crayon - all around town offering to sell the CN Tower for $25 dollars. I guess to a kid $25 is a lot of money. The signs didn't work, so a week later I made new signs offering someone the right to blow up the CN Tower for $25 dollars. The Police and some angry city officials had a rather stern talk with my Dad. They suggested that I have more rigorous supervision.
Then there was the time in grade 5 or 6. I was in the semi-finals of the city-wide Spelling Bee.
I hijacked the word list before the spelling competition. When the judges called me to the microphone, they asked me to spell the word "fellatio". Most of the parents gasped, and a few of the kids snickered. As per the Spelling Bee rules, I asked the judge to use the word in a sentence. I wish I could remember what she said. I know she turned beet red. Whatever it was, there were several muffled guffaws from the parents in the audience. I bit my tongue to keep from laughing. Then I asked if the judge could mime out what the word meant, and my teacher, Mrs. Dumbrowski, immediately hauled me off stage. I still don't think it was fair to give me a month of detention.