Sunday, February 20, 2011

Sasha Jackson's Hangover Cures


1. Stave off hangovers forever: Stay drunk.

2. Don’t get drunk in the first place.

3. Eat burnt toast. Toast must be blackened to the point of becoming a piece of charcoal. It will taste awful, but you’ll forget about the hangover.  You may end up with the runs.

4. Voodoo cures are effective if you have been drinking wine. Stick a dozen straight pins in the cork from the offending wine bottle(s).

5. Kudzu extract, from the vine Pueraria lobata, available at health food shops, is a Chinese herbal remedy that claims to reduce the effects of heavy drinking.  If you can pronounce "Pueraria lobata" you should probably go to the nearest Emergency Centre.  If you cannot pronounce "Pueraria lobata" then you likely haven't sobered up yet.

6. Have a big bowl of New England Clam Chowder. If you aren’t a fan of gelatinous seafood soups, this may have not have a soothing effect and might actually make you blow chunks.

7. Melt it away. Get into a steamy hot sauna for 15 minutes and you’ll feel like new.  You might not smell very good, though.

8. Blast the hangover out of your system. Have a shot of tequila (2 ounces) mixed with an equal amount of Tabasco sauce.

9. Ginseng. It seems to cure everything.

10. Vegemite (or Marmite) on soda crackers. The crackers soak up the liquid in your stomach and the leftover brewer’s yeast extract will duke it out with whatever chemicals are floating around in your innards.

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