Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Dating Post #1 - Ick Ick Ick

Ick Ick Ick Ick Ick Ick Ick Ick Ick Ick Ick Ick 

People often ask me about inspirations for my characters. Ha!  The answer is Real Life!  I swear to gawd, I have a magnet in the middle of my forehead that draws freaks and weirdos to me.  I seem to meet a great number of them via the dating world. So, I'll be doing a few posts in the coming weeks about dating in general, but for now, let me begin with El Jerko Supremo.   

I had one date with Super-Doofus, and it was so bad it almost made me want to give up on dating all together.  

Dickhead and I arranged to meet at a restaurant.  He had arrived a little early and was already seated at a table when I got there (that detail will be important a little while from now...)

Dude is middle aged.  He told me that for his "midlife crisis" he decided to get some tattoos.  He got his first tattoo a few months ago.  Now, I am not against tattoos, and any adult who wants one, should go ahead and get one.  But...

On Mr. Moron's forearm was a tattoo, a German quotation, comprising a few lines of text.  Did I mention it was in German? Yes, German.  Dingbat does not speak German.  But he still got a tattoo in German. 

Loosely translated, the tattoo said: "I have no God, I have no master. I am my own master, I am my own destiny."  Something like that.  But in German.  I have no comment on the content of the tattoo, or the "philosophy" of it.  (Nietzsche anyone???) 

The tattoo had the German pronoun "I" four times.  The German first person singular pronoun in the subjective case is "Ich".  The pronunciation is exactly the sound a cat makes when hacking up a hairball.   Remember: There were four instances of the 1st person singular pronoun on his arm.  Four. 

A sloppy pronunciation of "Ich" might sound like "ick" (rhymes with "sick" or "dick" or "prick".)

Well, Mr. Dumb Dumb - who apparently has never heard of  a German-English dictionary - had it spelled  "ick" in three of the four instances.  The fourth time, it was spelled correctly (Ich).  It's 2015 for gawd's sake... Look it up online before getting PERMANENT ink on your 

I commented on the three misspellings and he replied: "Yeah, it's got a few typos."  Typos?  Are you kidding me?  I really wanted to stick a fork in my eye at that point.  But I politely sat through the WORST DATE EVER IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF DATING. 

When it was time to leave, Dorkface stood up and put on his... hoodie.  Captain Idiot told me  where he got the hoodie (in case I want to get one for myself?)  Here's the link to the site from whence he ordered a Hyena Hoodie - complete with a tail.  YES... MY DATE HAD A TAIL!   
And, yeah, Sir Loser Lose-A-Lot is about 50, and he's still single.  I wonder why?

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