Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Character Bio: Antonio Agostino Antonelli

We’ll be meeting Antonio Agostino Antonelli in book four of the Sasha Jackson Mystery series (I don’t yet know the title for the fourth novel). Here’s a sneak preview of him.

Name: Antonio Agostino Antonelli

Profession: Porn Producer. Antonio A. Antonelli has produced 577 “adult” films in the last three years. Yes, that’s almost 200 films a year. We’re not exactly talking high art here; most of the porn flicks are made in about a day.

Hobbies: Rug hooking. Currently making a 4’ x 6’ mat with a very chesty naked woman on it.

Secret Dream/Ambition: He has always fantasized about competing in the Tour de France, but at 280 lbs (on a 5’8” frame) it is highly unlikely he’ll achieve this.

Role Model: Larry Flynt.

Pet Peeve: People who bite their nails and unaddressed mail/junkmail. He also hates Campbell’s Soup, any and all flavours, and he'd love to throw acid on those Warhol paintings.

When he thinks no one is looking: He fondles himself and whispers loving words to himself in Italian as he’s doing this. He calls himself “gorgeous” and “handsome” and “hot stuff” and then kisses himself on his hairy shoulder.

Afraid of: Spiders, dogs, marmalade and flying.

Embarrassing Fact/Temper Tantrum: Gained twenty-nine pounds (and three inches) within six months of having liposuction on his gut at a dodgy clinic in Mexico.  Flew back to Mexico to pummel the doctor, who now works as a one-armed street sweeper.

Criminal Record: Rather long, and he was framed... that other guy did it.

Invented the Word: Blowjoberrific.   The meaning should be obvious.

Why would anyone want to kill him?  The list is too long to get into, but he's a dirtbag with no morals whatsoever.  The kind of d-bag who says things like "blowjoberrific".  Unfortunately, no one has done him in... yet...

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